Aha! You found me

Thank you so much drunk night with family.

Thank you so much old arguments that turn into laughter in the end.

We have officially decided to move to Alabama,(the land of the creepy people).
But, before we could enjoy the tenderness of pedophiles and sex offenders, we had to make a little stop in Shreveport, Louisiana. The other land of pedophiles and sex offenders. We arrived here around 8'clock on Wednesday evening with smiles, empty stomachs, and thirsty throats.

We needed alcohol and QUICK! Before all the hugs and love of Jesus, we had to get our "drink on". It was something that could not be helped. Something that was so sneaky and delicious that my throat would tickle with JOY!
In the end, the only sentence that people were admitting was "I'm not drunk, I am just over served".

I honestly do not know how we do every time we visit here, but somehow we are always willing to become so painfully "over served" that drunk is a lite word.


But, one question though. Why is it that each morning, after a good night of drinking, do my hands smell like corn-dogs?

Liamas with Hats

When I first saw this clip, my first reaction was that it sounded just like a conversation between my brother and I....

"I was hungry for hands, give me a break..."

The Home Of Wonders

In my small but bitter life, I have experienced many things. Sometimes I sit on my bed and wonder, “how did this happen?” Then I smile knowing that it was their fault. In case you have not already noticed, this generation has a little problem. No, I take it back. The problem is colossal. I have been to many places in my life, but not quite like this one. The second you walk on to the property, you cannot help but take a whiff of air and what do you smell? Yes, I smell it too. It reeks of sex, pregnant woman, and garbage. Although that stuff smells the same, I wanted to make them feel special by saying it did not. However, in my heart I felt differently AND that my friends, is the point of this. The fact I am about to lay on your chest. So, believe it and receive it.

Well, this all started in my early Teen years. I was indeed a chunky little number and had my share of rejection. Nevertheless, I lived to tell the tale. I lived in a big home when I was 12. And in that home, I had to replace the sweet smell of roses with rotting eggs and pregnant women. However, most people would find that very wonderful. I indeed did not, because in that “wonderful place” I was qualified in valuable lessons. Such as: How not to be caught by your shepherds, try not to be hit on by 30 year old men, smile big and pretend to love everyone. Oh, those were the days, my friends. Those were the days. In places like that, you must find a crowd, somewhere to be safe.

The whores were people who made your small life much worse. Not just by taking all the decent men, no not even. However, by making the whole home smell like their rotten vagina's. (Note: I am not personally referring to anyone in this, but if you think I am referring to you, then I probably am).

The idiots were people who truly believed they were smart. They would walk around the house, and talk to people about computers, (considering only the “smart” people knew about computers). I think they tried talking in Japanese once. That brought some laughter back into my humble life. Poor, ignorant men, they will never understand anything.

The bitter were good people. I appreciated them the most. At least they did not whore around making the home smell like fish, considering we had other people to do that for us. The bitter people were the smartest. They would make jokes that were not very funny then, but are very clever now. They should have run the home, I am sure it would have turned out better that way.

The stressed were maniacs. You would always look behind you to see if they were coming with a knife to kill you. You would toss in your bed at night hoping you would live to see tomorrow.
This did not always happen. Poor people, they never saw it coming. The crazy thing about the stressed is that you believe in the beginning that they are almost sweet. Therefore, you get all excited & your panties got in a twist, because you actually believe you will survive the dark ways of the stressed. No my friends, beware of them! They are your enemies and the stressed were my shepherds and I of course hid from them. I was not going to be another casualty. Right when you thought, you were safe. BANG! You are DEAD! He lurks behind your door and kills you instantly. It was merely impossible to have devotions with stressed people. You thought that any second they would have a heart attack. On the other hand, maybe they were a little to into word time. Who really knows the truth? I did not intend to find out.


Even after years of living silently in my room, I had the courage to look for that place.
Hell’s bells I called it. I assured myself it was a good name. However, the moment someone shoved me out of the car on to that property, I knew something was not right. I ducked down on the floor, wishing that someone would hear my desperate cries for help. However, then something struck me. Something very wrong and painful was coming my way. Someone was walking towards me. I turned in fear and started running the opposite direction, but it was too late, someone saw me. As this creature headed closer to me, a tear rolled down my cheek. I did not want to die this way. The creature grabbed a tight hold on me and smiled with its leprosy face and monstrous teeth. After a moment of strong tight hugging, the monster spoke. “I bet you missed Kira huh”. Then an even bigger smile, thrown my way, as the tightening of its grasp loosened. I signed with great peace in my heart. I am alive! I walked quickly through the property, and then I smelt something rather familiar. That same rotten vagina/pregnant women smell was here. I was back to my Teen years again. My full entire life flashed before my eyes in 5.2 seconds. My heart was racing faster and faster, until I fell to the floor in horror. A drop of sweat rolled down my face. Then my eyes had opened and I was still in this nightmare. This place I called my home for many years. This wasteland, I must escape somehow. But, it was too late. The damage seemed unchangeable. I did not want to become pregnant too. Like these creepy 20 year old's. They just could not keep it in their pants. Yet, I was to be another sacrifice. Nevertheless, I refused to bare their children. Ask one of the Whores to do it instead. I am sure they would not mind.


Then I woke up smiling the next day. Thankfully, it was all a dream. I did not plan instantly coming impregnated by mutants. My life was back to its normal state again.
Then the door suddenly swung open. Moreover, a tall figure appeared before me. "Hey, we’re going to ----- in a couple minutes, so get ready". Nooooooooooo!


The End

This, that, and otherwise.

My brother in law Christopher has been dying for me to do a cover of this song for months.
Well, let's be fair, he wasn't actually dying, but I'm sure that is the emotion he tried to come across to me.

Anyway, here is "Wild Horses".

Take that, scumbags!