New Job or Not?....

Right now I am caught in the common mistake people encounter.
My job, which has been my reason for leaving the house, has gotten me quite low.
Each day I go to my job, I am struck with the exciting idea of quitting. I wonder what other places feel like, as I want to feel them. However, somewhere in the back of my mind, I want to stay, because some days are good and some are bad, you know?

My problem:

The only way that I am able to get to this Job is through my sisters: Laurie and Christina.
I do not drive, I carry no license, and it would be much too far to walk. So, I have to wait on my sisters to drive me to work.
Being a Hostess and all, I should be orgasmically overjoyed to even be there, smiling and bounching directly off the walls whenever I get the opportunity to work. Well, bad news there sparky, I am not.

I am generally unstable (Job-wise), and it is quite difficult for me to stay in one atmosphere for too long, before I go quite mad.
Today is Saturday, and Saturday means lots of unwanted Guests come to "try us out", (The food that is).

They come with their 1,0000 pound bodies barely making it through the door, with rotten smiles and frightening eyes. I take them to their tables, just to hear them complain about the angle, direction, seating, comfort, loudness, and lack of room that I have given them in that particular seat.

I grumble to myself, not letting them actually hear me, because it could cost me my job.
Well, come to think of it, that would be rather good. Maybe that is exactly what I need, to be fired. So, I do not have to be in this terribly, painfully, sickening, fat people atomsphere anymore.

I need a backup plan still....

Farewell

Try me on

You do a wonderful job of making me feel terrible. That look, those words, I am mesmerized. It is to the point where I have lost it. My control that is, the meaningful thing I loved for so long.
I will watch from my window, to see your moves and carefully place you in a neat enough position where I can come through. I fear the others, the ones who consider everything wrong, see I just want you.
How complicated is want? It is desire, it is moveable, it is free, and common. I have rights and I know when to stop. I see you, someone lonely, careless, free from others, and completely willing to be insane.
Try me on. Try on my skin; tell me what it feels like.

Aha, nice try!

As the days go by I try to remember the sweet scents and wonderful days I spent in my unselfish nature.Now, I have completely misused the word "unselfish" and have done an opposite job when reality kicks me in the head.

It all happened one day, in the smelliest, horrific, most discouraging place you would call a restaurant.I, in my own magical nature, had not noticed the reason for the remark from my coworker.

'You are selfish', she went on. I tried not looking directly into her eyes because it might cause her to have to loosen her tie, or walk out in rage. See, I am not pro rage it makes me hungry.

Fine, I will look inside my heart and figure out what went wrong. Argh, what a terribly, unnoticeable mistake I made.I think I forgot her birthday.Honestly, selfish fits me. It has a certain ring to it.

What Stone Contains

In my short years of living, things I have discovered, I have recovered nothing. I am the victim of an unknown crime, and the accused has left me to be mournful. Days seem longer than I had expected, so I continue to mourn the death of myself. Personally, I discovered a missing piece months ago, the solid foundation that kept me sober, for nothing accompanies me, or has kept me stable. My old home, which was darker than here, had stood solid as certain aspects tore me away from its bitter comforting remains.

Eventually I turn to stone, as the final victory comes by passing me aside in the street.
Noticing nothing but the stillness of my being, the very essence that kept a world from falling is gone. Distance has played his role on me, saying things I did not understand and of course, pretending to be so close. I lay destitute on the verge of desertion. Such a crime to humanity that would be bought and paid for, or so it seemed at the time, though I was greeted by the shadows and made to feel guilty.

Time cannot take the place of something so dear, as the world did conquer my spirit devastatingly. Do you know what it is like to resemble a stone, cold and without comfort? Such a delinquent action should hide away, where neither creature nor human could understand its very presence. Past has no place in future, as time grows easily war-torn and helpless to the seeming happiness that is nothing other than discrimination of real freedom.

Glass shatters with time, and will be broken easily without help from reality. Yet, stone has stayed solid through rain and thunder, and the crash of the many tides. Glass shatters so quickly, with a swift movement it is gone. Stone stands strong, though no human could consider themselves as stone, solid and unbreakable, though I was as such, cold and lifeless, gray and unfeeling. That, my own purpose, and is permanent. I do not expand, nor do I mold with my surroundings. The only direction I move is not to move. Without further instruction, placing a rather awkward silence and still hurting from the reality that I am stone, and the world I live in, is nothing but glass.

Dictionary

I had an interview today, which I actually, thought was a real interview. But little did my dear sweet heart know, it was a "test interview" and I will be doing the real interview tomorrow. Well, I wish I knew this sooner, because I, with heart pounding, throat swelling, eyes closing, and mouth drying had nothing to do but wait. Wait? What a ridiculous word, or so I thought until I discovered the real meaning of it. It means to wait.

It's so simple, why didn't I notice it before? What a wonderful thing I have found, life is good again.

You know what, waiting can be fun, but only if you know what fun actually means, if not, than it is actually not fun (can find word in dictionary).

So, we begin our journey with the soft winds blowing on our rolly chins, and we begin to understand just why we're so absolutely uncertain of the many different, scary, wonderful, orgasmic (find in dictionary), confident, unsettling, common, ground-breaking, life-risking words we can find in the dictionary.

It's not as complicated as you might think, maybe you are scared, I know I was when I first held the hard covered book in my hands, and felt the soft pages twirl through my fingers, ah what a sensation.

Anyway, I dont really remember what I was originally writing about, so I will just leave you with a crisp smile and an open soul.

Stay dictionary updated Farewell.

The First Day

(Art by Martin Goode)



This starts the first day of the rest of my life, without regret or compromise, without bitterness or envy about past, because past is past, no possible way to change it, so it remains like a file in a cabinet, to be opened once in a while, but not kept out too long. When you remember too much about your past, it corrupts your future a bit, because you think more and more about past and you forget the now.

I want to start my life new. I don't want to cheat in anyway, I want to live life to the full, because I have things to give, and I want to give them. As I sit upon my very cluttered bed, full of objects I should have put away days ago, I take a minute and remember my past, but only what I want to remember, the good, positive, and happiness I had before.

Life is what we make of it.

So now, I start the new life, in my new coloured room, with new smells and sights, I plan to live life the very best I can. Without eating an overdose of licorice.

Farewell.

Our Prank

My dear sister Tina and I decided to go to my sister Laurie's apartment, (that she shares with her boyfriend Marty) and bang heavily on the door. Tina banged very loud and we started talking to each other because we believed nobody was home. We were originally there to give dear Laurie $50 because we're super nice. Okay, so we leave, and we go to Hobby Lobby and we get a phone call from Laurie, who is freaked out because someone "tried to break into her house". All we could do was laugh, laugh and laugh because it was obviously us, and poor little Laurie was sitting in the closet with a gun waiting to shoot whoever came in.

She was angry when we told her the truth, that she hid, grabbed the gun, and called her main squeeze for no reason, because we were the "robbers" who knocked on her door. But, though we frightened her, we still had a good laugh.

Farewell.

Plane Trip

My Plane trip back to the states was interesting. Let me tell you why.

From Timisoara to Budapest, it was short, easy and without much complication.

From Budapest to New York was a different story. I was left in Budapest for 5 hours and 50 minutes just waiting. I did believe I would have the company of a certain gentleman, though it never worked out, because of the security check-in I went through, or because neither of us knew exactly where to find each-other, so we never found each-other. That was a bit of a disappointment, because I had to sit around the whole time, I prevailed still. I went on the plane and met a very nice gentlemen who I shared decent conversation for 9 hours with, and we exchanged emails.

From New York to Dallas the plane was delayed about an hour and a half, instead of leaving at 5:30 we ended up leaving around 7:00. On the trip, there were these two guys behind me, they were very funny, but somewhat crude. They reminded me of a few people I had the "privilege" living with when I was a young teen. The trip was a bit long, though it was originally supposed to be 3 and a half hours, it was about (including the delay) five hours.

I got to the Airport to not see Nancy and Eugene, because it seems the Airport people had told them I was in a completely different terminal, and they ran quickly over to me after about 15-30 minutes of waiting somewhere completely different. And while they were in the other terminal I got my bag and half listened to a very strange conversation between two men about television shows, which was somewhat amusing and irrelevant to everything they discussed on the plane.

Finally Mom and Dad arrived and they took my suitcase and we went to the car and went back Home. Well, though it's not actually my home, since I will be living with my dear older sister Tina and her husband Chris and their 9 year old son, Quinn. I am happy about the change, and I will give it the best shot. I will be going there on the 11th, and it will be my permanent residence.
Well, I am exhausted from the trip so I should actually be dead asleep now, I think I'll try to get some sleep.

Farewell.

P.s I miss my friends in Timisoara, of course.